old photos

a //

b //

c //

d //

e //

f //

g //

h //

i //

there is something about old photos. childhood photos or photos of your parents before you or i existed.  these are just a couple. but they made me think. look at the smiles...so genuine. before any true family hardships. like before my mom passed away and before she succumbed to alcoholism and my sister and i could still ease the pain she felt. her smiles were still real then (photos b, d and h....a is a fake smile, btw). these were also the times we were still a family...my mom, dad, sister and me. or like the smile of my grandmother (mom's mom...photo c) before my mom passed and before all the bullshit that happened that led to my sister and i living with her and my grandfather, who gladly took us in but will always resent having the titles grandma and grandpa taken away and replaced with "not-so-temporary-legal guardian." sometimes i think i wish we could go back to these days of naivety. but in all honesty, i wouldn't change a thing. 

in all honesty, the past uneases me more than the future.